• rayna


With the new C19 restrictions I have been unable to travel to Germany as I had planned a few months ago, and with this I am now in a very strange position.

It's very hard for me to feel like I'm progressing on my spiritual journey when I am stuck in the same place, not meeting new people or exploring new places. I thrive when I am faced with the unknown so when routine takes control of my life I feel hindered more than anything. A lot of people see my ability to leave everything I know behind and explore new places on my own as a sign of trauma. A problem. Most certainly it is a result of some suppressed emotions I didn't get round to dealing with, but by no means is it a problem, and this is what I've clarified over the past week.

Today I could have been in Germany, picking carrots and still feeling that little sense of awkwardness at the dinner table with my new housemates in the school of martial arts I was going to join. I could have been learning new languages, exploring new land and making new connections. Instead I worked a 10 hour shift chucking parcels around in a warehouse. Life takes you in funny directions. But all is well. Through the disappointments I maintain trust that I am exactly where I should be, else I wouldn't be here. I have this time now to heal some parts of me that I haven't yet. This week has been a good chance for me to get a glimpse of what would happen if I didn't escape when I do usually, and with that comes the confirmation that escaping isn't the problem.

Living in a city is very different to living by the sea. My theory is that in the city we are so disconnected from nature. Right at the heart of the matrix. When I think of the city I am from and where I am now, it is like a cycle. A cycle of the same routine, again and again. I only managed to break out of the cycle at the end of 2019 and now I have no choice but to jump back in where I left off. The matrix is a very dangerous game and it is taking so much more energy than you would believe for me to not get sucked in. As if it is pulling me with great force and I'm clinging to the edge refusing to let go. It brings negativity to my life, to my thoughts and to my vibrations. Duality.

There is the constant theme of duality here. Good vs bad. Dualism is the instance of opposition or the contrast between two concepts or two aspects of something. Judging others. Basically separating yourself from another thing, another person or object. Something being 'better' than the other. This is the biggest challenge for me. Of course we are all guilty of this, we are human after all, but I find myself biting my tongue more and more after spending time in the city vs. when I am close to nature. I believe this is down to the disconnection we have here. My core value is seeing everything as one. We are One. One level of consciousness trying to get by in the ever changing universe. And you see I think a big problem lies in the word 'trying'. We spend so much time trying, which on it's own isn't bad. When we are trying however we often feel fear, frustration or impatient. We worry when things don't go quite how we'd hoped. Trying should be a learning process, a rocky road with highs and lows but a road nonetheless. We need more experiencing and less trying.

So my inability to escape physically has led me this week to escape mentally. My way of doing this has been spending many hours meditating, or in solitude. Escaping the separation as an attempt to avoid the sadness of feeling hindered. And there is sadness in me at the moment. I am faced with the very real possibility of not being able to travel, as I am against the mandating of the c19 vaccine. I feel in my bones the wrongness in the control that has unfolded amidst the chaos of this year, and I am against it. To stand against it I will not be vaccinated, not because I think I'm going to get chipped, but because I refuse to allow someone other than myself to have control over my body. I see myself as so pure, and I am so grateful for the instrument that is my body, I refuse to surrender that to anyone. I am worried that this will result in me not being able to travel abroad, travel on buses or visit places or events. With this uncertainty I am embracing my ability to escape, and dedicating more time to my own peace of mind than anything.


Everyone is in my prayers at the moment, as energy shifts are strong and clarity is weak. Please remember to be kind, to be open and to ensure when things get a little heavy, you too take time to escape.

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